Death in the Modern Age
In the United States, generally speaking, most families are very turned off or afraid of death. It has become normal to hand over their loved ones to be dealt with by someone else because they don’t dare to deal with it themselves. And the industry teaches them that the more money they spend on the funeral, the more love they're showing to their loved one.
Now, families that are grieving for the loss of a loved one are in no position to make decisions about money, and the funeral industry knows that and takes advantage of it. That’s why they can talk you into spending $10,000 on a funeral when when you don’t have it in the first place.
When my father died, my sisters and I didn’t have didn’t have the money to cover the cost of a funeral, but we didn’t know that there was any other alternative. We didn’t have access to the Internet, and we didn’t know where to turn because we had never dealt with death before. I’m sure there’s millions and millions of families that would say this was exactly their experience as well. Just shows how messed up the industry is.
When my father-in-law died, he was at home with us in his bed for three years before he before he passed away. My mother-in-law and my wife and her sisters cared for the body washed him, and wrapped him in a shroud. I built the casket. Together, we put him in the casket and welcomed people from his community into our house. We did the funeral right there in his bedroom.
There were about 40 people there. A rabbi spoke some words, a group sang some songs, and then we told stories of him. It was a beautiful thing. When it came time to move him, we had a parade down the street because he always wanted to have a New Orleans-style jazz funeral. There was a group of musicians who came to the funeral and then played When the Saints Go Marching In as we carried his casket down the street.
Now, he had chosen cremation, and there was a funeral home that did the cremation without any perks, just a $500 charge, which seemed reasonable. That was the Ryan Funeral Home on Sherman Avenue in Madison, Wisconsin. I can’t help but give them kudos. I think that when the family takes care of all aspects of a funeral for the loss of a loved one that it’s very, very cathartic and and normalizes the fact that we’re all gonna die.
We don’t have to be afraid of dying. It’s a natural thing. Nobody gets out alive. I’m not saying that I’m looking forward to dying, but I certainly accept that I will die someday. When that time comes, my plan my wishes are that I should be buried shallow so that my body can decompose and feed the plants that feed nature and feed the deer that have fed me my whole life. That’s all I need.
Changing Cultural Perceptions of Death
Death is one of the few universal human experiences, yet the ways we process and deal with it have changed dramatically over time. Throughout history, death was seen as an intimate and communal experience, with families and local communities actively involved in the preparation, burial, and mourning of the deceased. However, in today’s society, funeral practices have become increasingly commercialized and professionalized, with the modern funeral industry often taking on the responsibility of caring for the dead. This shift in cultural practices has affected the way we grieve, our sense of closure, and our connection to the natural cycles of life and death.
In my opinion, green burials and sustainable death practices are a step backwards historically, but a step forward for our evolution and environmental practices, a return to honoring loved ones as part of the environment rather than separate from it.
The Evolution of Funeral Practices: From Communal Involvement to Professionalization
In pre-industrial societies, death was often handled within the family or the local community. People cared for their dead with reverence, and the rituals surrounding death were not only about mourning but also about affirming the social bonds that tied individuals to their families, communities, and ancestors.
Historical Perspectives: Involvement of the Community
In many traditional cultures, death was considered a natural transition, and the care of the deceased was an act of communal responsibility.
Ancient Egypt: In ancient Egyptian society, embalming and burial were deeply communal activities. While professional embalmers and priests oversaw the mummification process, families were deeply involved in preparing the deceased for the afterlife. The “Opening of the Mouth” ceremony, in which family members participated, symbolized the deceased’s passage to the next world.
Rural Europe and America: In rural communities in Europe and early America, family members would often wash and dress the deceased themselves. The body would be laid out in the home, and the family would handle the wake and funeral arrangements. Neighbors and extended families participated in preparing the grave, cooking meals for mourners, and providing emotional support throughout the process.
Japan: In Japan, the death of a loved one traditionally involved both the family and the community. Family members were responsible for the body’s care, which included washing and dressing the deceased, while the broader community participated in rituals like cremation ceremonies and ancestor veneration. Japanese funeral rituals, including the kuyō (offering prayers to the deceased) and matsuri (festivals for the dead), emphasized the interconnection between the living and the dead.
Mexico: One of the most famous examples of community-driven funeral practices is the Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) celebrated in Mexico. Families gather at cemeteries, often cleaning and decorating graves with marigolds, candles, and offerings of food. This practice, which honors the deceased and celebrates their memory, is deeply personal and communal, with an emphasis on continuing bonds with ancestors rather than separation.
The Rise of the Modern Funeral Industry
In contrast to these historical and communal practices, the rise of the modern funeral industry has shifted the responsibility for death care from families and communities to funeral directors and morticians.
Professionalization: Starting in the 19th century, with the advent of embalming and formal funeral homes, death became more “professionalized.” Funerals became more about managing the logistics of death rather than honoring the deceased through personal rituals. Morticians took over tasks like embalming, preparing the body for display, and organizing funerals, and this shift often left families with little direct involvement.
Commercialization: The funeral industry also saw the commercialization of death, with embalming, caskets, and elaborate funeral services becoming standardized products. Today, funerals can cost thousands of dollars, and many families rely on funeral homes to manage every detail. This shift has led to a disconnection from the physical and emotional process of death and mourning.
Impact on Cultural Perceptions: As death became a more sanitized and professionalized process, the way people perceive death also shifted. In many cultures, death became something that happens “elsewhere” or is managed by professionals, leading to a diminished sense of personal responsibility for the process and loss.
The Negative Effects of Disconnection from the Deceased
While the modern funeral industry may offer convenience and relieve families of logistical burdens, it has also led to a significant emotional and psychological distance from the process of dying and death itself. This disconnection can have a profound impact on mental health and a person's ability to grieve and find closure.
1. Lack of Closure and Personal Connection
One of the most important aspects of mourning and healing after a loss is having the opportunity to process and say goodbye to the deceased. Being involved in the physical preparation and burial allows loved ones to feel that they are participating in the natural cycle of life and death, which can provide a sense of closure and peace.
Loss of Ritual: In cultures where burial rituals involve the community or family, such as green burials or family-led ceremonies, people are able to participate in a deeply personal way, creating an emotional connection to the process. Without these rituals, people can feel like passive spectators rather than active participants in the grieving process, which can leave them feeling disconnected from both the deceased and the natural order of life and death.
Emotional Impact: Without the physical involvement in death care—such as preparing the body, attending to the grave, or helping with the ceremony—families may struggle to fully process their grief. In cultures where the family is central to funeral practices, not participating in the preparation of the deceased can result in feelings of regret, guilt, or emotional numbness. A lack of closure may also delay or hinder emotional recovery.
2. Mental Health and Grieving
The funeral industry’s shift toward professionalism has meant that many people no longer have the same opportunities to engage with death on an intimate level. This can lead to a variety of mental health challenges.
Disenfranchised Grief: In many cases, the process of handing over the care of a deceased loved one to a funeral home can make grief feel less “real.” Some mourners may feel alienated or even disconnected from their own emotions, as the traditional and ritualistic aspects of mourning have been outsourced. This can lead to what is known as disenfranchised grief, where people are unable to fully express or process their grief because they were not actively involved in the death care process.
Complicated Grief: Complicated grief refers to grief that becomes chronic and debilitating. This can happen when a person feels they did not have sufficient closure or did not engage in the rituals they need to mourn fully. The emotional numbness or avoidance of grief that can stem from disconnection from death care can complicate the healing process.
Cultural Alienation: For individuals from cultures where death rituals are communal and involve extensive family participation, the modern funeral industry’s approach can feel particularly alienating. The absence of family-based rituals can lead to feelings of cultural dislocation, where mourners feel disconnected from their heritage and traditions, further exacerbating the mental health effects of loss.
The Need for a Balanced Approach: Reclaiming Death Care
While funeral homes and morticians play an important role in managing the logistics of death, it's essential to recognize the value of personal and communal involvement in the death process. Some modern funeral trends are already responding to this need:
Green Burials: Many people are choosing green burials, where families can be actively involved in the process of preparing the body and digging the grave. These burials focus on ecological sustainability and allow mourners to be directly involved in returning their loved ones to the earth.
Home Funerals: Some families are opting for home funerals, where they care for the deceased in their own homes, wash the body, prepare it for burial, and organize the ceremony themselves. This return to a more hands-on approach can be healing for many families, allowing them to feel connected to the natural process of death and closure.
Cultural Revitalization: Across cultures, there is a growing movement to revive ancestral death practices that emphasize family and community involvement. Whether through ancestor veneration in African cultures or funeral processions in parts of Asia, people are reclaiming rituals that bring them closer to their loved ones and their traditions.
Conclusion: Finding Connection in an Age of Disconnection
The changing cultural perceptions of death reflect broader shifts in society’s relationship to life and mortality. As funeral practices have become more commercialized and detached, many people have lost the opportunity to be intimately involved in the death process. This lack of involvement can create emotional distance, robbing individuals of the chance for closure and healing.
While funeral homes will undoubtedly continue to play a crucial role in death care, there is increasing recognition that involvement in death rituals—whether through home funerals, green burials, or the revival of traditional cultural practices—can be essential to mental health and emotional well-being. By re-engaging with death in a more personal and communal way, we can heal more fully, reclaim our connection to the natural world, and better navigate the difficult journey of grief.
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